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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

love-full2Resentment and hurt and love are often tangled up together. So when you tap on an issue with these ingredients, you might struggle. Sometimes it’s a challenge to release old pain and anger. Examining the love connection can bring the solution.

The Irony Of It All

When you love someone, their actions and words have a bigger impact on you. So it’s easier to feel hurt or angry with a loved one than with someone you don’t care about. Right? It’s much simpler to just blow off a difficult interaction with a person who doesn’t mean much to you.

But when your heart is connected to someone, hurt and anger can result more often. And they can hang around longer, too. That’s why you’re tapping on them – because you’re still carrying them around. So it’s a little ironic that the people you care about the most can contribute heavily to your list of tapping issues.

Hard To Release

Over and over again, clients show resistance to letting go of old issues with loved ones. It can be a spouse, a kid, a parent, a sibling, a close friend – the kind of love doesn’t matter. Let me be clear – the resistance is not a conscious thing. You can be eager to let go of an old grudge. You can be excited at the prospect of healing some old wound. And STILL have a hard time releasing it.

It’s The Love

Love is the reason for the hidden resistance. A fear of losing that love, or losing your connection to someone can slow EFT down. Some part of you can be afraid that to let the problem go is to let your whole connection go. And you’re not about to do that!

Even if it’s always been a rocky relationship. Even if your brother was always mean to you. Even if a parent was abusive to you. Your heart doesn’t want to lose the core love you have for them, underneath all the negative junk. So your mind-body-energy system can say, “Forget about releasing anything. I don’t want to take a chance. I’m not gonna rock this boat.”

What To Do

It’s so easy to address this when you’re tapping. Just acknowledge it in your setup phrase. For example:

  • Even though I’m afraid to let go of this anger because I don’t want to lose my love for Bob, I love and accept myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m concerned that if I release this pain, I’ll lose my connection with my mom, and it’s a shaky connection to begin with…..
  • Even though it feels risky to let go of this old grudge, I want to trust myself to hold onto the good parts of our relationship.

Secret Tapping Weapon

Just assume there’s some resistance like this lurking in any old issue with a loved one. Make it a habit. Build in a setup phrase like one of the above examples– right from the beginning of your session. It can save you a lot of tapping time and frustration.

Try this yourself and report back to us on how it goes. Just leave a comment below.


EFT - Who Needs A Practitioner?

EFT is a great self healing tool. Your day-to-day life can be much more pleasant, tapping as you go. If you’re annoyed at traffic, improve your drive by tapping (use one hand only, please!) on “this annoying traffic” or “this road rage,” depending on how bad it really is.

Or if you wake up anxious, you can calm yourself and start off the day well by tapping on “this anxiety.” If you stub your toe, get rid of that distracting pain by tapping on “this toe pain.”

But if you want to get rid of those deeper issues that interfere with your success and happiness, working with a skilled practitioner can be much more effective. Read on to learn some reasons why this might be a good choice for you.

Painful Issues

Working on painful issues by yourself can be tricky business. You may unknowingly avoid some aspects to keep from feeling the old pain. You may have trouble staying focused. It’s remarkable what our subconscious defense system will do in trying to protect us. You might put it off — some part of you doesn’t want to face it alone. A practitioner can help with all these factors.

Chronic Issues

If you’ve carried a problem for a long time — physical or emotional — there’s probably a core issue beneath those symptoms that keep showing up. You may work for a long time on your own, trying to get to the bottom of it. A skilled EFT coach can quickly find the root of that problem and help you clear the chronic issue.

Patterns of Emotions

If you have a pattern of being anxious every day, or mad all the time in traffic, you can tap on those symptoms and get relief. But that’s a lot of repetitive work. Wouldn’t it be great to clear the cause of the pattern? Practitioners know how to ferret out what’s really at the core of those patterns and help you to release it. Then you can get freedom from the pattern — not just freedom for that episode.

HOW Practitioners Can Help

For more particulars about the ways practitioners can sometimes get better results than you can on your own, read more here.

EFT On Your Own — Jump Right In!

I hear a common fear from clients and students — that they’re afraid to try tapping on their own. Maybe you’ve got some of this same hesitation. It might be for different reasons.

Let me address a few of these. Hopefully, after reading this you’ll feel more sure of yourself and be willing to give it a try.

I’m Afraid I Might Do It Wrong

You can’t really do EFT “wrong.” There are ways to tap that get better results than others. That’s true. But you can’t really do it wrong. Follow EFT scripts you’ve printed out to get the idea. Or listen to your Stress Relief audio you downloaded for free when you signed up for my newsletter. Another option: click on EFT-The Basics and print out the instructions for yourself.

I Might Hurt Myself Somehow

EFT only works with the energy that’s in your system. So you can’t put in something that’s not there. True…you might bring something to the surface. But you can’t install something that doesn’t belong. So you can tap along with anybody’s tapping script. If their words don’t fit your life exactly, no big deal! It’s impossible for you to create a new problem by tapping about it.

I Don’t Even Know Where to Start

Start anywhere! What’s bugging you? What’s distracting you from what you want to do? You can tap on that. You could even start with your fear of tapping on your own. Try this:

  • Even though I’m nervous about doing EFT myself, I love myself anyway.
  • Even though I don’t have a clue about what I’m doing, I accept myself and I want to give this a try.
  • Even though I’m afraid to trust myself because I’m new at this, I respect who I am and I want to move forward.

Tapping first round

  • This tapping concern/fear/worry

Next rounds

  • I don’t know what I’m doing.
  • I’m afraid I’ll goof this up.
  • I’m not a practitioner.
  • I can’t do this myself.
  • What if I cause myself problems?
  • I want to let go of these fears.
  • I’m ready to take a chance.
  • I’ve got this tool right here and I want to use it.
  • I’m choosing confidence.
  • I’m feeling calm about this.
  • I choose to make it easy.
  • I’m willing to trust myself.
  • I give myself permission to take a risk.
  • I’m choosing to move forward now.
  • I’m ready to go!

Finish Off with Positives

Thank yourself for your courage. Tap in some affirmations that you DO know what you’re doing. And you want to do this again. Affirm that you get better at EFT every time you do it.

Good for you! Let me know how it goes. I’d love to hear from you. Do you have other doubts or questions? Just ask…

Until next time, keep tapping!

Tapping Combination Plate: Mix It Up!

EFT as the Main Course

EFT is great as a stand-alone practice.  There’s no doubt about it.  But you can use it to boost all kinds of other activities, too.  The possibilities are limited only by your own imagination.

Tapping as the Appetizer

You can use EFT to clear any resistance before you do something you’re reluctant to do.  Maybe it’s going to the gym.  Maybe it’s heading into a weekly meeting.  Or getting started on a project, making a phone call, answering emails…

Or you can simply tap in affirmations to boost your confidence or willingness.  Just take a few minutes, even if it’s in the restroom at work, or out in the parking lot.

EFT as a Side Dish

When you’re doing any kind of energy work, EFT can seriously enhance it.  It’s a great tool to use while you’re getting acupuncture.  Just finger-tap while you’re on the table.  Zero-Balancing and Healing Touch are two other kinds of work that lend themselves to this.  Finger-tap while you’re doing any kind of self-healing work — from working out, to getting chiropractic, to visualizing.

Tapping as Dessert

Tapping in a positive experience can ramp up its good effects.  Just do some EFT with affirmations AFTER anything you get good results from.  Affirm how great you feel, how confident you are.  Tap while you congratulate yourself for overcoming fears or hesitation.  Affirm how much better your body feels.  Tap in your certainty that you’re getting healthier, stronger, more loving…whatever!  My clients tell me that this not only feels great, but makes the thing easier to do the next time. 

No Big Thing

So tapping doesn’t HAVE to be some huge deal.  By just using EFT in little ways in your daily life, you can get so much benefit.  You don’t have to change your clothes.  You don’t have to take a shower afterwards.  You don’t need to set aside an hour.  Just work it in with the rest of your life.  Piece of cake!

Keep me posted on how you’re doing with your tapping.  I’d love to hear from you.  Do you have any questions about EFT?  Just ask –  I’m glad to answer any time.

Whatever you do, keep tapping!

Everyday EFT - Tip #2: Tapping to remember

Ever strain to remember somebody’s name?  EFT can help. 

What was that movie title?  Who did you loan that book to?  What did you walk to the shed for?  Tapping can bring you the answer. 

There’s a part of you that knows, and you CAN put your finger on it — in fact, put all of your fingers on it.  Sorry — couldn’t resist the pun.  But seriously, you can tap and bring the answer quickly.

EFT to jolt your memory works much like finding a lost item.  (See my previous post Everyday EFT - Tip #1.)  It’s another speed-tapping technique.

So you don’t need to assess your intensity level.  And forget about a setup.  You can just start tapping.

BUT you do need to relax.  More about that in a minute. Otherwise, your tension can keep this from working. 

Here’s how you do it:

  1. Let go of any annoyance that you don’t remember.  Or at least postpone your frustration til you’re done tapping.   
  2. Now take a few deep breaths and choose to relax.
  3. And just start tapping. Move around the tapping points, saying things like this:
  • It’s coming to me now.
  • I’m remembering that thought.
  • It’s on its way to the front of my mind.
  • I’m about to say it out loud.
  • I’m relaxed and easily recalling her name.

Add in some gratitude, too:

  • I’m so grateful for my strong memory.
  • I’m so thankful to be easily remembering.
  • Thanks ___________ for helping me to recall.  (Fill in the blank with Higher Self, God, Universe…)

Use EFT for a few rounds.  That thought might just pop in while you’re tapping.  If not, just relax and go on about your business.  It will come to you in a few minutes.  

Try it out the next time you forget something.  The more often you tap to remember, the faster it will work for you.  Just don’t forget to relax!

Check back here for Everyday EFT Tip #3. 

Keep me posted about how this works for you.  I’d love to hear from you. Keep tapping!

EFT… 81-Year-Old Tries It Herself!

Wow!  I got the great news that a woman I showed EFT to  has used it herself with success.  And she’s 81 years old.  I love it!

We’d used it together in an emergency.  She had accidentally eaten some mushrooms, which always cause her terrible stomach pain.  At the restaurant, when we realized what had happened, I asked her to move over in the booth, and tap with me.

We used EFT together and she never had any pain from the mushrooms.  I guess it made a real believer out of her.

Today she let me know she’s been using it on her own for back pain and digestive problems.  It worked!  She’s excited to know she can use it on her own, and I’m delighted to give another person the gift of EFT.

What a great day!  I hope you’re tapping, and sharing it with someone, too.