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You Should Be Done By Now

You should be done with that by now! Ever tell yourself that? Most of us do at one time or another. Sometimes it’s because we’ve been procrastinating. Or maybe we started something without the skills or information we really need to get it done.

How It Shows Up

I hear different versions of this from clients all the time. See if you recognize any of these real life scenarios as something you might do:

  • a coach was mad at himself for missing a networking event for the third month in a row
  • a consultant was annoyed because she hadn’t resolved details of her mother’s estate
  • a healing practitioner scolded herself for stalling on creating a separate business phone line
  • a teacher ridiculed himself for still being interested in his ex-wife’s dating activities

So here’s what happens when you have something like this going on. You can see a logical solution to the problem. Right? Something you can DO. And you keep trying to get yourself to do that thing. That’s what logic tells you is the answer.

Wrong! The root of the problem is an emotional one – not a logical one. So it needs to be addressed with an emotional tool. And EFT is perfect for that. Great! There’s hope for a solution.

Tapping Slow-Down

Once you’re tapping, this self-blame can slow you down. I know I’ve written about this anger at yourself before. But this “shouldn’t I be done” anger is in a special zone all its own. I see it again and again. It can create big resistance to releasing the core issue.

Sometimes the release is slow right from the beginning. But often, clients get off to a good start — their emotional intensity is dropping at a good rate. Then they stall out about halfway through the session. The culprit? This special flavor of self-blame.

Here are some subconscious forms it can take:

  • If I could get over this, I would have by now. I obviously can’t get over it, so I’m not going to release it.
  • I should be punished because this has gone on for so long, so hanging onto this issue is my punishment.
  • I put off getting help for this when I knew I needed it, so this is the price I have to pay – holding onto my problem.
  • I know logically what I should have done a long time ago. I didn’t do it, so I need to suffer.

What To Do

You can tap directly on the issue of blaming yourself for not being done yet. Or just work the phrasing into your setup statements. For example:

  • Even though I’m reluctant to let go of this divorce grief because I should be over it by now, I want to love myself anyway.
  • Even though I’m resistant to clearing any more of this networking fear because I should have taken care of it 3 months ago, I want to respect myself and accept my feelings.
  • Even though it feels impossible to clear this issue, and maybe I’ve gone as far as I deserve to because I’m a procrastinator, I want to love all parts of me anyway.

Let us know how this works for you — leave a comment below.


EFT – Resisting Letting Go

Sometimes when you tap you don’t make much progress with releasing your issue. There’s some inner resistance to letting go. In EFT jargon, the resistance is called a reversal or energy reversal. When you tap, the energy is not going in the direction you want (releasing), but is stuck in reverse (holding on).

What It Means

Resistance is not uncommon. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It really just means your system is doing a good job of protecting you.

Our body-minds are set up to do what it takes to maintain balance. Any change upsets the balance. Whatever ways you’ve managed to carry around that problem and still function has worked – to some degree. So your system says, “I’m not changing that. I’m not letting go. Better stick with what we know.”

Not A Surprise

Any issue we’ve had for more than a day or two likely has resistance attached to it. Not on a conscious level probably, but on a subconscious level. It’s a natural defense mechanism that kicks in so we can keep on functioning. Think about it: If you had no resistance to letting it go, you would have already let it go. Right? You wouldn’t even need to be doing EFT on the problem in the first place!

Don’t Fight It

Resisting resistance doesn’t help. You’ve already got a little tug-of-war going on. There’s a part of you that wants to let go. And another part that’s holding on. Don’t add a third part to the mix by being mad at yourself or feeling ashamed. Denying the resistance won’t help either. Your best choice is to relax – if you can – and accept the resistance.

What To Do About It

Use EFT to eliminate the resistance. There are a few different ways to do this. Try them out and see what works for you.

  • Stop tapping on your original issue. Treat your resistance as a separate issue and use EFT on it. Then come back to your original issue.
  • Work it into your setup statements like this: “Even though I have this (problem) and I’m resisting letting go of it, I love and accept myself anyway.”
  • Sometimes you need an outside perspective. You might need to work with a practitioner to clear that resistance. It can be hard to get around our own blind spots well enough to really see the problem.

What’s your experience with resistance? Leave a comment below so we can all keep learning.

Tapping Overwhelm – No More Issues, Please!

Do you ever feel like you’ve opened a Pandora’s box by starting to tap on your issues? Do you get discouraged when a new issue pops up? Here you were – excited to get rid of some old inner junk, only to uncover another layer or a related problem. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming – like this is going to go on forever. Like, what’s the point of clearing one thing if it’s just going to stir up something new?

Not Really New

In reality, your challenge isn’t new. Maybe it hasn’t been in the forefront of your consciousness for awhile, but it’s not new. It’s just that its priority in your psyche and energy system has shifted so now it has come to your attention.

The healing and clearing from tapping is a marvelous phenomenon. And sometimes that clearing reveals some issue that’s been hidden from view – maybe not forever, but for awhile anyway.

There were excellent reasons for that “new” issue to remain out of sight up til now. Here are some possibilities:

  • Maybe you didn’t have the inner strength to face it before.
  • Maybe you didn’t have the certainty that you could do anything about it. But now that you’ve had some tapping success, you know that healing is possible.
  • Maybe it’s too big to deal with on your own and until now you hadn’t found anyone to help you with it.

You can be sure of this: Your highest, wisest self takes really good care of you at all times. What’s the point of allowing an issue to surface if you aren’t able to do something about it? It makes sense that the issue would stay out of view, doesn’t it? So honor your self-protective skills for taking good care of your heart and spirit by revealing things to you in a sensible, timely way.

It’s Good News

Your “new” issue shows up now because it’s time for it to be healed. That’s GOOD news. It’s been my experience that problems reveal themselves at the perfect time on your healing path:

  • Time when you’ve already released other issues that could cause resistance to releasing this one.
  • Time when you’ve built a solid enough foundation to trust the process of tapping – you KNOW it works for you.
  • Time when you have inner strength enough to be the new person you’ll be without that problem.

By the time an issue shows up, it’s ready to go! It is SO ready to be released. Often these issues are eliminated really quickly once you start tapping on them. I hope you’ll start seeing new issues in a different and hopeful light. Maybe you could even welcome them – imagine the possibilities on the other side of letting them go!

And let us all know how it goes by leaving a comment here.

Tapping On Specifics

Being specific is a cardinal rule of effective tapping. If you’ve studied EFT, you’ve sure heard that before. So what exactly does that mean?

Choose Your Issue

The first place where it’s important to be specific is in choosing your issue to tap on. For instance, “worthiness” is a very broad topic. Tapping on that probably won’t change it much. You need to narrow it down.

Listen To The Voices

An easy place to start is to listen to your self talk about it. Chances are that the old voices in your head aren’t using the term “worthiness.” What phrases do you hear? OK - I know they’re not too pleasant, which is why some people don’t want to go there. They feel safer with more generic terms or therapy terms. Or maybe with spiritual phrases or metaphysical terms.

But those likely aren’t YOUR terms. That’s not the language your subconscious has linked to the unwanted feelings you’re seeking to change with EFT. In my experience, tapping goes much more quickly when you use your own words and phrases. So take a listen. What’s the old tape that’s playing?

No Need To Suffer

While you’re preparing to tap and investigating the details of your issue, you don’t have to hurt. In fact, you can get more useful details by keeping a little distance. Having the crummy feelings while trying to clarify your issue can create resistance to seeing what’s going on.

So just back off! Pretend you’re a reporter asking yourself questions. Or close your eyes and picture yourself literally stepping back a few steps from the issue — still close enough to see things clearly, but stepping out of the middle of it.

How Specific Language Helps

There are a couple of ways getting to your own words can help:

  1. The way you conceptualize the issue gets clear. Maybe the worthiness-related words you hear in your head are “You can’t do anything right. You’ll never amount to anything.” That’s not exactly the same issue as someone else who hears, “Be grateful for what you’ve got. You’re never satisfied, are you?” Can you see how those are distinctly different? So the way you’ll tap on them will be different.
  2. The second way your own words can help is that they can be roadsigns for your tapping map. They can point you to the origins of the limiting beliefs and crummy feelings associated with low self-worth. Ask yourself, “Where did I hear those words?” The answer will give you some real specifics to tap on. Now you can pinpoint a person and/or incidents connected to those words. Now you’ve got an effectively tappable issue!
  3. Being specific in these ways can reduce your time, energy and frustration when you tap. Give them a try and let us know how it goes by posting a comment.

Keeping Balance With EFT

EFT is all about balance. It’s a method to bring your system back to the naturally healthy and peaceful emotional state that is true balance. Essentially, EFT clears the excesses, bringing you back to the center.

Keep Your Own Tapping In Balance

Tapping is a terrific way to clear unwanted, negative feelings, events and physical problems. And that’s great. It’s so fast and so effective; what more could you ask for?

But if you use EFT a lot, it’s possible to get your point of view a little lopsided – focused mainly on problems. Even if you’re steadily eliminating those problems, you may be missing out.

You need to have some focus on the good stuff, too. Not just the absence of the negative. If this seems like splitting hairs, think about it a little more.

Musical Variety

What if that unwanted issue were a kind of music that you really dislike? It’s too loud or too sad or too annoying. So the EFT clears out that crummy tune and brings you to silence. Silence is a wonderful thing, and sure beats listening to that music you can’t stand.

Now here’s another issue you’re going to tap on (more crummy music). Then the blessed relief of silence (clearing with tapping). And again. And once more. And another time. Back to silence.

So what’s wrong with this picture? Silence is not the only option other than lousy music. What about some good music? Let’s get a little balance in here!

It’s possible to use EFT to make your own good “music” – some really positive focus. Here are some ways to create that balance.

On Your Own

Before you start tapping on a problem, take a minute to back off from the issue. Imagine what will be different when it’s no longer bothering you. Get a clear picture of the best possible outcome. Imagine how you’ll feel when you’re there. Yum!

Then come back to your issue and tap it away. You may find you’ll release it more quickly this way as your body-mind has a clear target for where it’s headed. This can lower your resistance to releasing the problem.

For the final few rounds of your tapping, tap in the positive. Use Pat Carrington’s Choices methods, or just make up your own positive statements. Include words of gratitude for being done with the problem. Add a round about how much you’re looking forward to new possibilities, going into detail about what those possibilities are.

Tap In Affirmations

Regularly tapping in affirmations is a great way to keep your balance. Click here to read a separate post about that.

How do YOU keep your balance with EFT? Let us hear how it goes for you and leave a comment below.

EFT for Earth Day

In recognition of Earth Day, a group of EFT practitioners from several countries joined forces to hold a 90-minute TapFest on BlogTalkRadio. This celebration is focused on the positive aspects of what Earth Day is all about. Sometimes it’s easy to weigh in a little heavy on the negative side, isn’t it?

I was honored to be asked to create a tapping script and lead a few rounds of EFT. So here they are for you to tap along with. There’s no set-up necessary — just start tapping in these affirmations. You’re guaranteed to feel better when you’re done:

Your Earth Day EFT Scripts

Eyebrow: I appreciate myself for all the little things I do to help our earth.
Side of Eye: I appreciate others for all they do to help our earth.
Under Eye: I look for opportunities every day to take loving earth actions.
Under Nose: I jump right on those opportunities whenever they show up.
Chin: I’m an earth-loving example to all who know me.
Collarbone: I treat my participation as the lovely gift that it is.
Under Arm: I keep a light heart as I express my earth love with actions.
Top of Head: I am sustained by solid, wonderful, strengthening earth energy.

Eyebrow: I love being a respectful member of the earth community.
Side of Eye: I appreciate and support the wide diversity of nature.
Under Eye: I appreciate and support the wide diversity of viewpoints about earth.
Under Nose: I keep my heart open to those who think differently from me.
Chin: I focus on the goodness of life and all that sustains it.
Collarbone: I lead by example with a gentle voice so I will be heard.
Under Arm: I send out to others the energy and love I want them to show the earth.
Top of Head: I focus on expanding the good that is happening.

Eyebrow: I keep a balance of being informed AND maintaining peace of mind.
Side of Eye: I joyfully support others in their earth-loving efforts.
Under Eye: I express my appreciation to others for even their smallest efforts.
Under Nose: I take special care with children to stay focused on the positive factors.
Chin: I take good care of myself as a precious member of the earth community.
Collarbone: I keep a lightness in my heart to fully experience the joys that earth offers.
Under Arm: I use EFT to stay in balance to so I can give our good earth my best.
Top of Head: I pull this worldwide energy connection into my heart to draw upon anytime.

EFT Resistance - Hard to Let Go of Your Anger?

Releasing anger can be tricky business - even with the help of EFT. Sometimes the process of letting go of resentment and frustration can get bogged down while you’re tapping. Resistance shows up and you’ve got one more thing to be irritated about. Talk about frustration!

What’s Going On?

Resistance arises out of self-defense. When you’re tapping, there’s some part of you that thinks it’s not a good idea to release the anger. Be clear that this is a subconscious part of you. On a conscious level, of course you want to release the anger or you wouldn’t be tapping on it, would you? But some hidden part is reluctant to let go.

Why Does This Happen?

If you’re tempted to blame yourself for hanging onto anger, do your best to just let that go. That self-blame only adds fuel to the fire. It’s important to remember that you’re always doing the best you can, given your experience and circumstances.

And your experience is the key to the “why” of it all. You have some good reason for holding onto that anger, according to some part of you. Granted, it might not be a logical part of you. But that’s OK.

Now What Should I Do?

Consider these options for dealing with your resistance to releasing anger:

  • Explore the “why” with a practitioner or on your own. Then use EFT on the root cause of the resistance;
  • Acknowledge your resistance when it shows up with anger issues. Stop tapping on the anger, and focus your EFT on the resistance; OR
  • Expect resistance when tapping on anger and deal with it right up front. (This one’s my favorite.)

Whichever method you choose, clear the resistance and then go back and tap away the anger issue.

Common Reasons for Resistance with Anger

Here is a list of beliefs that often show up with anger issues. They are totally tappable — that is, you can use EFT to clear them. See if any of these reasons to hold onto resentment or frustration sounds familiar:

  • (Someone)__________ is accountable and I don’t want to let them off the hook.
  • I’m right and they’re wrong so I’m justified in being mad.
  • It’s not safe to let go of this. I need to keep my anger to stay on guard so it doesn’t happen again.
  • They need to change first, and then I’ll stop being mad.
  • I want to make them pay for what they did. They need to suffer like I did.
  • If I let go of this, something worse will show up.
  • I’ve had this anger for so long, I don’t know who I’d be without it.

Bonus Tip

Print out this list and look at it when you’re using EFT on anger. Since resistance is subconscious, it can be hard to recognize your own reasons. So use the list to prompt yourself. Just review the list at the start of your session, and if any of these reasons ring a bell, tap on them.

What do you think? Leave your comments below - love to hear from you.

EFT Interference From Hidden Anger

Has this ever happened to you when you’re doing EFT? You’re tapping away, moving out your issue just fine. Your emotional intensity is dropping fast. And suddenly it just won’t budge. You can’t seem to finish off the issue. You want to get that intensity down to a zero, but you just can’t do it.

The Answer May Be Anger

Maybe the problem is hidden anger. Anger seems to act like a magnet, holding unwanted feelings in your system. You have to release the anger to let go of the rest of the larger issue.

Anger In All Its Disguises

I’m using anger here as a general category of emotions. Maybe you don’t think much in terms of “anger.” But what about these variations: feeling annoyance, irritation, impatience, blame, self-blame,  resentment, outrage, unfairness, injustice. Do you ever have little pieces of that mixed in with other issues?

When It Hooks Other Emotions

So anger can act like a hook, hanging on to other emotions so they resist being released. Let me give you some examples of how this works.

  1. Say you’re afraid of snakes. You’re using EFT on the fear, and you can feel it leaving. But the process hits a snag. If you’re annoyed at your mom for having that fear herself when you were little, that annoyance (anger) can block the release of the remaining fear.
  2. Or maybe you’re tapping away physical pain. You fell on a wet floor and hurt your leg, and EFT is relieving the pain. You realize you’re mad at the store people for not cleaning up the puddle, so you’ve tapped on that anger already. But if you can’t get rid of the pain completely with your tapping, you might be blaming yourself (anger) for falling in the first place.

The Solution

The ideal thing is to quickly check with yourself at the start of any issue to see if you have any kind of anger about it. Then either tap that away with separate rounds, or include it with your other EFT.

Otherwise, whenever you hit a slowdown in your tapping, ask yourself if anger could be the roadblock. Take a minute to tap it away (it often releases very quickly), and finish off your EFT session.

Watch For This One

The biggest culprit in this category, in my experience, is self-blame. The tricky part is this: If you have a habit of scolding yourself, it might not even occur to you to look for self-blame.

One way to remind yourself to check on this is to write a note that you keep with any other EFT papers you have. 

What’s your experience with this? Leave a comment below and let us all know.

EFT For Allergy Relief

A reader asked the other day if EFT can be used for gluten intolerance that celiacs experience. That inspired me to pass on this great tapping technique to deal with any kind of sensitivity to substances. There’s really no need to resign yourself to a lifetime of bad reactions.

EFT is the perfect tool to eliminate sensitivities and allergies. This includes reactions to foods, pets, plants, fumes — any substance that your body reacts to in a negative way. No matter what the trouble-causing substance, the approach is pretty much the same.

Where To Begin

First, ask yourself when the allergy or sensitivity first appeared. Then ask if anything traumatic occurred in your life around that time — or within the few months beforehand.

If not, ask yourself if you experienced any trauma directly connected to the substance you’re sensitive to (cat scratch, choked on milk, etc.). Then use EFT to clear that trauma — either on your own, or with a practitioner. Eliminating the effects of that related event often results in the end of the allergy.

If There’s No Remembered Trauma

If nothing occurs to you in answer to those two trauma questions, try the following:

  1. Place the substance or food in a container of glass, metal or pottery (not plastic or paper). For airborne allergies, place a bowl of water outside for a few hours, or wave a damp towel around in the air to collect particles. Then pour the water into a jar or put the towel in a bowl. For dust, pet hair, carpet, etc., gather a little and put it in a jar with a lid on it (or have somebody else do that for you).
  2. Then hold the container in your lap (for tapping with both hands) or simply touch the container with one hand while tapping with the other. Please note: When tapping, you can refer to “the substances in this jar”, or the “stuff on this towel” – You don’t have to know what it is causing the problem to be able to clear it.

Start Using EFT

Your body responds really well to the phrase, “I ask my body to…”. So after doing your EFT set-up, tap using that phrase. For more about exactly how to do this, read more here.

Spiritual Beliefs and EFT

It doesn’t matter what your spiritual and/or religious beliefs are — EFT can work with them. In fact, it doesn’t matter WHAT you believe. Tapping works, even if you don’t believe it can.

Complete Compatibility

Tappers around the world use EFT, regardless of their faith or the principles they believe in. Although its effects can be felt in body, mind and spirit, tapping is a physiological process. In the body. That’s why it works for nearly everyone - whether people think it will or not.

Incorporating Your Beliefs

You might enjoy your EFT experience more, or even get more from it, by tapping into your beliefs (no pun intended) during your sessions. Whether you’re Wiccan, Muslim, Jewish, Pagan, Christian, Sufi — or have your own special brand of spirituality, this can work for you. Whether your philosophy and orientation involve metaphysical principles or esoteric beliefs — or not. Everyone’s included.

If you’re a practitioner, listen for clues from your clients about their belief systems.

How You Do It

You have several options to combine spirituality with EFT.

  1. Before you tap, say a prayer or invoke your guides, ancestors, or highest self to join you as you tap. Or simply hold an intention to be aligned with your spiritual source.
  2. During your session, request or acknowledge spiritual help in releasing your issue.
  3. At the end of your session, give thanks for making it so easy.

Be creative! Come up with your own ways. Why not use all your resources to help in your healing?

What’s your experience with this? Let us all know by leaving a comment.