You should be done with that by now! Ever tell yourself that? Most of us do at one time or another. Sometimes it’s because we’ve been procrastinating. Or maybe we started something without the skills or information we really need to get it done.

How It Shows Up

I hear different versions of this from clients all the time. See if you recognize any of these real life scenarios as something you might do:

• a coach was mad at himself for missing a networking event for the third month in a row
• a consultant was annoyed because she hadn’t resolved details of her mother’s estate
• a healing practitioner scolded herself for stalling on creating a separate business phone line
• a teacher ridiculed himself for still being interested in his ex-wife’s dating activities

So here’s what happens when you have something like this going on. You can see a logical solution to the problem. Right? Something you can DO. And you keep trying to get yourself to do that thing. That’s what logic tells you is the answer.

Wrong! The root of the problem is an emotional one – not a logical one. So it needs to be addressed with an emotional tool. And EFT is perfect for that. Great! There’s hope for a solution.

Tapping Slow-Down

Once you’re tapping, this self-blame can slow you down. I know I’ve written about this anger at yourself before. But this “shouldn’t I be done” anger is in a special zone all its own. I see it again and again. It can create big resistance to releasing the core issue.

Sometimes the release is slow right from the beginning. But often, clients get off to a good start — their emotional intensity is dropping at a good rate. Then they stall out about halfway through the session. The culprit? This special flavor of self-blame.

Here are some subconscious forms it can take:

• If I could get over this, I would have by now. I obviously can’t get over it, so I’m not going to release it.
• I should be punished because this has gone on for so long, so hanging onto this issue is my punishment.
• I put off getting help for this when I knew I needed it, so this is the price I have to pay – holding onto my problem.
• I know logically what I should have done a long time ago. I didn’t do it, so I need to suffer.

What To Do

You can tap directly on the issue of blaming yourself for not being done yet. Or just work the phrasing into your setup statements. For example:

• Even though I’m reluctant to let go of this divorce grief because I should be over it by now, I want to love myself anyway.
• Even though I’m resistant to clearing any more of this networking fear because I should have taken care of it 3 months ago, I want to respect myself and accept my feelings.
• Even though it feels impossible to clear this issue, and maybe I’ve gone as far as I deserve to because I’m a procrastinator, I want to love all parts of me anyway.

Let us know how this works for you — leave a comment below.

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Resentment and hurt and love are often tangled up together. So when you tap on an issue with these ingredients, you might struggle. Sometimes it’s a challenge to release old pain and anger. Examining the love connection can bring the solution.

The Irony Of It All

When you love someone, their actions and words have a bigger impact on you. So it’s easier to feel hurt or angry with a loved one than with someone you don’t care about. Right? It’s much simpler to just blow off a difficult interaction with a person who doesn’t mean much to you.

But when your heart is connected to someone, hurt and anger can result more often. And they can hang around longer, too. That’s why you’re tapping on them – because you’re still carrying them around. So it’s a little ironic that the people you care about the most can contribute heavily to your list of tapping issues.

Hard To Release

Over and over again, clients show resistance to letting go of old issues with loved ones. It can be a spouse, a kid, a parent, a sibling, a close friend – the kind of love doesn’t matter. Let me be clear – the resistance is not a conscious thing. You can be eager to let go of an old grudge. You can be excited at the prospect of healing some old wound. And STILL have a hard time releasing it.

It’s The Love

Love is the reason for the hidden resistance. A fear of losing that love, or losing your connection to someone can slow EFT down. Some part of you can be afraid that to let the problem go is to let your whole connection go. And you’re not about to do that!

Even if it’s always been a rocky relationship. Even if your brother was always mean to you. Even if a parent was abusive to you. Your heart doesn’t want to lose the core love you have for them, underneath all the negative junk. So your mind-body-energy system can say, “Forget about releasing anything. I don’t want to take a chance. I’m not gonna rock this boat.”

What To Do

It’s so easy to address this when you’re tapping. Just acknowledge it in your setup phrase. For example:

• Even though I’m afraid to let go of this anger because I don’t want to lose my love for Bob, I love and accept myself anyway.
• Even though I’m concerned that if I release this pain, I’ll lose my connection with my mom, and it’s a shaky connection to begin with…..
• Even though it feels risky to let go of this old grudge, I want to trust myself to hold onto the good parts of our relationship.

Secret Tapping Weapon

Just assume there’s some resistance like this lurking in any old issue with a loved one. Make it a habit. Build in a setup phrase like one of the above examples– right from the beginning of your session. It can save you a lot of tapping time and frustration.

Try this yourself and report back to us on how it goes. Just leave a comment below.

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