All Entries in the "Personal Growth" Category

EFT To Recharge Your Motivation

Some days you’re more motivated than others – to really get into your work or your project. When your enthusiasm is drooping a little, it’s not always clear what the cause is. Yesterday you were really gung-ho to move on that. Today, however, is another story…

What’s The Deal?

Lack of motivation can happen for a lot of different reasons. Here are a few possibilities to consider:

• Distraction – If your attention is pulled in another direction, you may simply need to focus to revive your enthusiasm.
• You need a break – Motivation can be tough to sustain over a long period. It’s possible that a brief change in activities is all you need. Then you can return fresh to your project and be ready to go!
• Worry and fear – Sometimes you think it’s a lack of motivation, when the REAL issue is that you’re scared to move ahead. So you’ve pushed fear down to avoid discomfort. The problem is that your enthusiasm got pushed down with the fear. So it’s still there, but it’s just been temporarily squelched.

Getting The Boost You Need

You can use EFT to help yourself in a variety of ways. See if any of these will work for you:

• Tap in affirmations to achieve the level of motivation you’re looking for.
• Listen for “yeah, but..s” or “tail-enders” when you’re doing your affirmations and write them down. Then use EFT on those objections to clear them out.
• If distraction is the problem, use EFT to tap in positive statements: You’re willing to put your focus where it needs to be; you’re willing to clearly see your next step; and you’re willing to trust your inner guidance. Then follow through on that guidance. Once you’re doing what you need to be doing, it’s likely your motivation will return.
• Check to see if fear is the real culprit. Then use EFT to eliminate that fear. When there’s no longer a need to squash your feelings, your enthusiasm will bounce back.

Bye-Bye Guilt And Blame

Whatever approach you take, be sure to let go of any guilt or self-blame about feeling unmotivated. For some people that’s a challenge. But the truth is that feeling guilty about being distracted just distracts you further! Or blaming yourself for avoiding fear is an extra obstacle to regaining motivation.

So if you can just gently let those things go, do it! If not, then use EFT to clear guilt or self-criticism. And remember: getting rid of those FIRST will speed up the rest of your tapping!

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You Should Be Done By Now

You should be done with that by now! Ever tell yourself that? Most of us do at one time or another. Sometimes it’s because we’ve been procrastinating. Or maybe we started something without the skills or information we really need to get it done.

How It Shows Up

I hear different versions of this from clients all the time. See if you recognize any of these real life scenarios as something you might do:

• a coach was mad at himself for missing a networking event for the third month in a row
• a consultant was annoyed because she hadn’t resolved details of her mother’s estate
• a healing practitioner scolded herself for stalling on creating a separate business phone line
• a teacher ridiculed himself for still being interested in his ex-wife’s dating activities

So here’s what happens when you have something like this going on. You can see a logical solution to the problem. Right? Something you can DO. And you keep trying to get yourself to do that thing. That’s what logic tells you is the answer.

Wrong! The root of the problem is an emotional one – not a logical one. So it needs to be addressed with an emotional tool. And EFT is perfect for that. Great! There’s hope for a solution.

Tapping Slow-Down

Once you’re tapping, this self-blame can slow you down. I know I’ve written about this anger at yourself before. But this “shouldn’t I be done” anger is in a special zone all its own. I see it again and again. It can create big resistance to releasing the core issue.

Sometimes the release is slow right from the beginning. But often, clients get off to a good start — their emotional intensity is dropping at a good rate. Then they stall out about halfway through the session. The culprit? This special flavor of self-blame.

Here are some subconscious forms it can take:

• If I could get over this, I would have by now. I obviously can’t get over it, so I’m not going to release it.
• I should be punished because this has gone on for so long, so hanging onto this issue is my punishment.
• I put off getting help for this when I knew I needed it, so this is the price I have to pay – holding onto my problem.
• I know logically what I should have done a long time ago. I didn’t do it, so I need to suffer.

What To Do

You can tap directly on the issue of blaming yourself for not being done yet. Or just work the phrasing into your setup statements. For example:

• Even though I’m reluctant to let go of this divorce grief because I should be over it by now, I want to love myself anyway.
• Even though I’m resistant to clearing any more of this networking fear because I should have taken care of it 3 months ago, I want to respect myself and accept my feelings.
• Even though it feels impossible to clear this issue, and maybe I’ve gone as far as I deserve to because I’m a procrastinator, I want to love all parts of me anyway.

Let us know how this works for you — leave a comment below.

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EFT – Resisting Letting Go

Sometimes when you tap you don’t make much progress with releasing your issue. There’s some inner resistance to letting go. In EFT jargon, the resistance is called a reversal or energy reversal. When you tap, the energy is not going in the direction you want (releasing), but is stuck in reverse (holding on).

What It Means

Resistance is not uncommon. It doesn’t mean there’s something wrong with you. It really just means your system is doing a good job of protecting you.

Our body-minds are set up to do what it takes to maintain balance. Any change upsets the balance. Whatever ways you’ve managed to carry around that problem and still function has worked – to some degree. So your system says, “I’m not changing that. I’m not letting go. Better stick with what we know.”

Not A Surprise

Any issue we’ve had for more than a day or two likely has resistance attached to it. Not on a conscious level probably, but on a subconscious level. It’s a natural defense mechanism that kicks in so we can keep on functioning. Think about it: If you had no resistance to letting it go, you would have already let it go. Right? You wouldn’t even need to be doing EFT on the problem in the first place!

Don’t Fight It

Resisting resistance doesn’t help. You’ve already got a little tug-of-war going on. There’s a part of you that wants to let go. And another part that’s holding on. Don’t add a third part to the mix by being mad at yourself or feeling ashamed. Denying the resistance won’t help either. Your best choice is to relax – if you can – and accept the resistance.

What To Do About It

Use EFT to eliminate the resistance. There are a few different ways to do this. Try them out and see what works for you.

• Stop tapping on your original issue. Treat your resistance as a separate issue and use EFT on it. Then come back to your original issue.
• Work it into your setup statements like this: “Even though I have this (problem) and I’m resisting letting go of it, I love and accept myself anyway.”
• Sometimes you need an outside perspective. You might need to work with a practitioner to clear that resistance. It can be hard to get around our own blind spots well enough to really see the problem.

What’s your experience with resistance? Leave a comment below so we can all keep learning.

Take Your Soul Back From Your Business

Are you passionate about what you do? A spirit-centered entrepreneur who has given your soul to your business? Then it’s time to take it back! Seriously.

There’s a misconception that causes problems for many business owners – and artists and performers, too. It’s this: If I love what I’m doing, I need to give it my all. I need to sink my soul into it.

So What’s The Problem?

The problem is one of boundaries. You are separate from your business (or your project, work of art, etc.). You are not your business. If you give your whole soul to your business, then your soul is on the line with every business move you make. That is way too much to risk!

Here’s what happens:

1. You take business transactions personally. This interferes with your client and vendor relationships.
2. You’re devastated when something doesn’t work out right.
3. You’re afraid to take risks because some part of you knows there’s too much at stake.
4. You wait to get everything perfect before you try something new.

But I NEED to Be Passionate!

Being passionate about what you do is a wonderful thing. And that’s what you need to do instead. Be passionate ABOUT it. Bring your spirit TO it. Wrap your soul AROUND it.

And all the while, you’re keeping your spirit intact, your soul connected to YOU, your passion in your heart. You’re not cheating your business or your art. In fact, you’re giving it the freedom to really bloom.

Imagine The Benefits

Now you can me more objective. You can bounce back quickly from glitches. You won’t be nearly as stressed out because you’re not putting your very essence on the line with every decision you make. You may even sleep better!

Use Tapping To Help

Here are a few ways to help yourself with this:

• If you have trouble letting go of the myth that you need to give your heart and soul to what you do, put EFT to work. Read how at Tapping To Clear Unwanted Beliefs.
• Old habits can hang around sometimes. Help yourself by tapping in some affirmations about your new perspective.

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If your inner game is slowing down your business, contact me at 520-327-1695 and let’s discuss some ways to get you moving.
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Tapping For Trust Problems

Do you have a hard time trusting other people? Do you think being distrustful means you’re wise? I worked with a small business owner the other day who approaches his world in that way.

Here’s the problem with that outlook: Being distrustful makes YOU harder to trust. And that’s really tough on your business. Folks do business with people they trust, right? So where does that leave you?

Take A Look At Trust

If you’re not trusting other people, you’re on guard – protective and defended against possible problems. So a part of you is closed off (that part that you’re protecting). This affects your body language, your facial expressions, what you say, and your whole vibe.

People pick up on that whether you think they do or not — even if only on a subconscious level. They sense that you’re hiding something (which is really that closed-off part). And they don’t know what that something is. This creates more uncertainty – more of their inner red flags go up.

Now YOU are not to be trusted! Isn’t that ironic? Then you pick up that distrusting vibe from them and the reactions just bounce back and forth, helping nobody!

Using EFT To Help

Tapping to shift your trust level begins with you. It’s not really about other people at all. It’s about your perspective. And sometimes about habit, too. If you’ve been distrustful for a long time, that can be a familiar place to go when you feel uncertain.

So here are some ways that tapping can improve the whole trust thing:

1. Use EFT to clear the emotional charge on major past events that fostered distrust – especially the EARLY ones.

2. Examine your beliefs about who can be trusted and who can’t. You may have whole groups of people (certain professions, ethnicities, a whole gender, age groups) that you distrust. Use EFT to unhook the influence of these old beliefs that no longer serve you.

3. Tap on the habit of not trusting people. And if you learned that habit from a parent, include letting go of that learning in your EFT. Just reassure your inner self that you’re not letting go of your connection to your parent so you don’t fire up resistance.

4. Tap to gain confidence in your own choices and judgment – in other words, trusting yourself. This is a BIGGIE! Often the main problem is that you don’t trust yourself and your interactions with the world. Use EFT on a regular basis to tap in affirmations to help you with this. Here are some examples:

• My intuition is strong and clear. I listen and respond quickly.
• I make excellent choices and educated decisions.
• I honor my experience and use it in constructive ways.
• I’m grateful for my confidence and self-assurance.
• My judgment is sound. I appreciate my clear thinking.
• I use my inner resources to know my best course of action.
• I’m grateful for my wisdom.
• I look forward to new opportunities with new people.
• The Universe is conspiring in my favor!

Notice Your New Outlook

As you shift towards trusting people, you’ll be amazed at how people are drawn to you. Your interactions will be very different. It’s really fun to notice all the little changes. And in your business, it’s great to see new opportunities open up as people trust YOU more.

If experienced outside help with your trust issues is what you need, contact me to set up your complimentary 15-minute consultation. We’ll discuss the best way to get you moving!

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EFT To Help Stick With It

Do you find yourself having problems sticking with what you’re doing? Is it hard to just keep at it until you get the task done? It happens to everyone sooner or later, and to some of us a lot! If this is a problem that’s messing with your peace of mind, try using EFT to help yourself.

First Things First

Before you get started, it’s really important to let go of blame and anger about it. That means blaming yourself, blaming circumstances, and blaming other people. If that seems like a huge deal, then just set the blame aside for the time being. You can always come back to it!

The reason you need to do this first is that this blame can anchor the problem. It can prevent the easy release of your concern with EFT. So that’s the first step.

Find Your Tapping Focus

Next, just ask yourself what’s happening here so you have a direction for your tapping. See if your problem with sticking to it fits with one of these:

• feeling fuzzy and unfocused
• feeling distracted
• feeling bored or aggravated
• feeling anxious

Use EFT To Help Yourself

Now you’ve got a starting point for your tapping. Acknowledge and accept your situation in the setup. Then affirm a new direction for yourself so you can move on. Of course, if there is a large issue that needs attention, you should use regular EFT to release that first.

But often, it can just take a few minutes of positive tapping to get you on the right road. Here are some suggestions to get you started.

Feeling Distracted

Even though I’m feeling distracted, I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though my mind keeps wandering, I forgive myself and know it can be different.
Even though distraction has kept me from sticking with this, I’m ready for a new direction.

Feeling Fuzzy And Unfocused

Even though I’ve felt unfocused and can’t keep at this, I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I can’t stay clear enough to stick with this project, I know I’m doing the best I can.
Even though my mind’s been fuzzy, I’m willing to let the fog fall away.

Feeling Bored/Aggravated

Even though I feel too bored/aggravated to stick with this, I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I wish this boring/aggravating thing would just finish itself, I respect my feelings.
Even though I’d rather do anything else, I want to allow myself to complete this quickly.

Feeling Anxious

Even though I’m feeling anxious and too uncomfortable to stick with this, I love and accept myself anyway.
Even though I don’t like feeling anxious, so it’s taking a long time to finish this, I respect myself and know I’m doing the best I can.
Even though I’m not sure I can do this, I love myself anyway.

Affirm New Possibilities

Try a combination of some of these affirmations to get you moving in the right direction. If you feel yourself wandering off track, take a breathing break and tap in a few more.

• It feels great to be focused.
• I’m looking forward to finishing this in record time.
• I’m open to forming a new habit.
• I can picture this project completed. That feels so good.
• I trust my inner resources to work on my behalf.
• Circumstances are conspiring in my favor.
• I am calm, confident and courageous, and it’s really paying off.
• I’m glowing with pride at my accomplishment.
• I’m setting a new record for myself. I’m getting through this in no time!
• I’m grateful for my skills and abilities that make this possible.
• I amaze myself with my willingness to persevere!

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Leave a comment below and let us know how this works for you.

If follow-through is a big problem for you, you may need outside help to get to the heart of it. To explore options to work with Janet on your issues, call 520-327-1695 or contact me here.

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What’s Love Got To Do With It?

Resentment and hurt and love are often tangled up together. So when you tap on an issue with these ingredients, you might struggle. Sometimes it’s a challenge to release old pain and anger. Examining the love connection can bring the solution.

The Irony Of It All

When you love someone, their actions and words have a bigger impact on you. So it’s easier to feel hurt or angry with a loved one than with someone you don’t care about. Right? It’s much simpler to just blow off a difficult interaction with a person who doesn’t mean much to you.

But when your heart is connected to someone, hurt and anger can result more often. And they can hang around longer, too. That’s why you’re tapping on them – because you’re still carrying them around. So it’s a little ironic that the people you care about the most can contribute heavily to your list of tapping issues.

Hard To Release

Over and over again, clients show resistance to letting go of old issues with loved ones. It can be a spouse, a kid, a parent, a sibling, a close friend – the kind of love doesn’t matter. Let me be clear – the resistance is not a conscious thing. You can be eager to let go of an old grudge. You can be excited at the prospect of healing some old wound. And STILL have a hard time releasing it.

It’s The Love

Love is the reason for the hidden resistance. A fear of losing that love, or losing your connection to someone can slow EFT down. Some part of you can be afraid that to let the problem go is to let your whole connection go. And you’re not about to do that!

Even if it’s always been a rocky relationship. Even if your brother was always mean to you. Even if a parent was abusive to you. Your heart doesn’t want to lose the core love you have for them, underneath all the negative junk. So your mind-body-energy system can say, “Forget about releasing anything. I don’t want to take a chance. I’m not gonna rock this boat.”

What To Do

It’s so easy to address this when you’re tapping. Just acknowledge it in your setup phrase. For example:

• Even though I’m afraid to let go of this anger because I don’t want to lose my love for Bob, I love and accept myself anyway.
• Even though I’m concerned that if I release this pain, I’ll lose my connection with my mom, and it’s a shaky connection to begin with…..
• Even though it feels risky to let go of this old grudge, I want to trust myself to hold onto the good parts of our relationship.

Secret Tapping Weapon

Just assume there’s some resistance like this lurking in any old issue with a loved one. Make it a habit. Build in a setup phrase like one of the above examples– right from the beginning of your session. It can save you a lot of tapping time and frustration.

Try this yourself and report back to us on how it goes. Just leave a comment below.

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Tapping Overwhelm – No More Issues, Please!

Do you ever feel like you’ve opened a Pandora’s box by starting to tap on your issues? Do you get discouraged when a new issue pops up? Here you were – excited to get rid of some old inner junk, only to uncover another layer or a related problem. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming – like this is going to go on forever. Like, what’s the point of clearing one thing if it’s just going to stir up something new?

Not Really New

In reality, your challenge isn’t new. Maybe it hasn’t been in the forefront of your consciousness for awhile, but it’s not new. It’s just that its priority in your psyche and energy system has shifted so now it has come to your attention.

The healing and clearing from tapping is a marvelous phenomenon. And sometimes that clearing reveals some issue that’s been hidden from view – maybe not forever, but for awhile anyway.

There were excellent reasons for that “new” issue to remain out of sight up til now. Here are some possibilities:

• Maybe you didn’t have the inner strength to face it before.
• Maybe you didn’t have the certainty that you could do anything about it. But now that you’ve had some tapping success, you know that healing is possible.
• Maybe it’s too big to deal with on your own and until now you hadn’t found anyone to help you with it.

You can be sure of this: Your highest, wisest self takes really good care of you at all times. What’s the point of allowing an issue to surface if you aren’t able to do something about it? It makes sense that the issue would stay out of view, doesn’t it? So honor your self-protective skills for taking good care of your heart and spirit by revealing things to you in a sensible, timely way.

It’s Good News

Your “new” issue shows up now because it’s time for it to be healed. That’s GOOD news. It’s been my experience that problems reveal themselves at the perfect time on your healing path:

• Time when you’ve already released other issues that could cause resistance to releasing this one.
• Time when you’ve built a solid enough foundation to trust the process of tapping – you KNOW it works for you.
• Time when you have inner strength enough to be the new person you’ll be without that problem.

By the time an issue shows up, it’s ready to go! It is SO ready to be released. Often these issues are eliminated really quickly once you start tapping on them. I hope you’ll start seeing new issues in a different and hopeful light. Maybe you could even welcome them – imagine the possibilities on the other side of letting them go!

And let us all know how it goes by leaving a comment here.

Untangle The Knot Of Feeling And Facts

Sometimes tapping issues can be a little tricky to sort out. There are the feelings you have and the plain old truthful facts about it. If your emotions on the topic are strong, the separation between facts and feelings can be hard to find. Or you may think it’s ALL feelings, or even ALL facts.

Maybe you’re thinking, “So what? I’ll just start tapping and it will all sort itself out.” That is one approach, and it may be successful. But it can help to at least be aware of the facts versus feelings components of your issue.

In The Beginning

Tangling up facts and feelings can cause resistance to tapping on the issue in the first place. Let me give you an example. A client (“Ben”) was extremely uncomfortable at networking events. He mumbled, avoided people and felt nauseous. He felt ashamed that he didn’t know how to clearly describe his coaching practice.

Ben saw no point to tapping on this issue because he was sure he just needed to come up with his perfect 30-second intro speech. But the fact was that his dread of networking came up any time he thought of writing his speech. And that fear stifled his ability to think creatively to write a good intro speech. With this tangled knot, there was no way out of his dilemma.

What’s The Answer?

Here’s what we did: We acknowledged that it is a fact that he could benefit from writing a good intro speech. We acknowledged that he had strong feelings of fear and shame when networking.

We tapped away the fears and shame and limiting beliefs and here’s what happened: He went to a networking event the next day and had fun! He still didn’t have a good intro speech, but he wasn’t concerned about it. He was able to connect with people anyway, which is the whole point of networking.

So the fact that he needed a good speech didn’t change. But we untangled it from the feelings. Now Ben has the confidence that with some focused effort, he can craft a good speech. And it’s still a fact that when he does, his networking will probably produce better results.

Don’t Forget To Check

Self-blame about an issue can be easily overlooked. But it can anchor other emotions so that they’re hard to clear. So when you untangle your own knots of facts and feelings, be sure to check for that. In Ben’s case, the self-blame was strong related to his unwritten intro speech. We cleared the other feelings and beliefs more quickly by starting off with eliminating that blame.

Tapping On Specifics

Being specific is a cardinal rule of effective tapping. If you’ve studied EFT, you’ve sure heard that before. So what exactly does that mean?

Choose Your Issue

The first place where it’s important to be specific is in choosing your issue to tap on. For instance, “worthiness” is a very broad topic. Tapping on that probably won’t change it much. You need to narrow it down.

Listen To The Voices

An easy place to start is to listen to your self talk about it. Chances are that the old voices in your head aren’t using the term “worthiness.” What phrases do you hear? OK – I know they’re not too pleasant, which is why some people don’t want to go there. They feel safer with more generic terms or therapy terms. Or maybe with spiritual phrases or metaphysical terms.

But those likely aren’t YOUR terms. That’s not the language your subconscious has linked to the unwanted feelings you’re seeking to change with EFT. In my experience, tapping goes much more quickly when you use your own words and phrases. So take a listen. What’s the old tape that’s playing?

No Need To Suffer

While you’re preparing to tap and investigating the details of your issue, you don’t have to hurt. In fact, you can get more useful details by keeping a little distance. Having the crummy feelings while trying to clarify your issue can create resistance to seeing what’s going on.

So just back off! Pretend you’re a reporter asking yourself questions. Or close your eyes and picture yourself literally stepping back a few steps from the issue — still close enough to see things clearly, but stepping out of the middle of it.

How Specific Language Helps

There are a couple of ways getting to your own words can help:

1. The way you conceptualize the issue gets clear. Maybe the worthiness-related words you hear in your head are “You can’t do anything right. You’ll never amount to anything.” That’s not exactly the same issue as someone else who hears, “Be grateful for what you’ve got. You’re never satisfied, are you?” Can you see how those are distinctly different? So the way you’ll tap on them will be different.
2. The second way your own words can help is that they can be roadsigns for your tapping map. They can point you to the origins of the limiting beliefs and crummy feelings associated with low self-worth. Ask yourself, “Where did I hear those words?” The answer will give you some real specifics to tap on. Now you can pinpoint a person and/or incidents connected to those words. Now you’ve got an effectively tappable issue!

Being specific in these ways can reduce your time, energy and frustration when you tap. Give them a try and let us know how it goes by posting a comment.